Skrevet d. 11-6-2019 13:26:41 af Cathleen Lackner - Coach, Helsecoach, Veileder
Today I want to let you in on a little secret I recently discovered. And to be honest, I was blown away with the results.
My Secret is recognizing resistance in your daily life and then letting it go.
Because if we’re honest with each other, there are a lot of things in life we resistance, from doing the workout we know we should do to making dinner or cleaning the house, we’re resisting tasks at work or even our children.
And it makes life hard. Really tough! It leaves us tired and exhausted. It sucks our energy.
That said when I recognize my resistance, and I let it go or lean into it, then life gets more comfortable (yes, Sheryl Sandberg you have a point :-)). Each of us has the option to flow through the day or getting stuck.
For instance, after a long time break of exercising and running, I started recently to go running in the mornings again. And many days it’s just damn hard, let’s be honest here. It feels difficult, and I feel unfit and unmotivated. What I realized after a few of these challenging runs is that while I do them because I know they're right for me, and I know I feel good afterward, I didn’t enjoy the run itself. All changed when I realized I resisted the run. I did it for the benefit mentioned above but couldn’t enjoy the run itself. When I realized I resist, I decided to let go of it, to enjoy the run and also just said, if this gets to hard I can stop. But then there was no need to stop. I enjoyed the run, and that made me feel even better.
Another scenario where I’m hitting resistance is very often at home, doing all these mundane house tasks, like doing the dishes, cleaning, and also preparing another dinner for the family. I resist, I don’t want to do it, and yes a part of me feels like that refusing whiny child “I don’t want to do it!” Stamping on the floor. Again when I lean in my resistance, I feel I have options and can ask questions like – does it need to get done and if yes, I just do it, put music on and get it done, instead of continually thinking I don’t want to do it.
And I’m sure you have been there with your children. When my son gets angry or is frustrated to feel resistance comes almost natural. We want to change the situation, and we don’t want our child to feel and behave that way. Maybe we even take it personally. And then we get angry, we resist the situation we want to change it, and that makes us angry frustrated or depleted. When you lean in and let go of the resistance, you realize that the situation is just what it is. Your child has some strong emotions. It has nothing to do with you. Letting go of resistance, you stay detached and can help your child with compassion through his emotions and feelings. And once this scene is over you both move on. Without this lingering resentment or annoyance.
Sounds great, I know, that said doing it amid a tantrum is a different story.
Of course, work is another place where all of us have felt resistance. There is or was a task we didn’t want to do. We pushed it off until the last minute and threatened to do it, yet it consumed a lot of space in our mind.
Letting go of resistance, the task can get done without the heavy emotional attachment, and that makes life so much easier.
I actually think that that saying start with your most important and challenging task first thing in the morning comes from that experience. First of all, in the morning after a restful night, we have the most energy, that means we can tackle a challenging task. With or without letting go of resistance. During the day, this gets more challenging. But I believe tackling your most challenging task and letting go of the resistance will set you up for a great day ahead.
This sounds great, right? Yet, most of us will not do the work required. Because the truth is, it’s hard. In the process of realizing I resist and then letting go, I feel like a baby that learns to walk. I get up do it a few times with success and then fall again. And have to get up again. Sometimes I don’t catch myself resisting, other times I’m not able to let go of resisting and feel stuck in my thoughts.
That said, I genuinely believe it’s like with everything else, it gets easier the more we practice. It’s all about taking one step at the time. And when you do, it feels good. Imagine you let go today of your resistance and do that exercise you would have liked to, or move through a challenge with your child with ease.
What I found that helps let go of resistance is indeed planning. Yes, I know I love planning (I have a whole nother blog post about it) but hear me out. If you plan (and I don’t mean you need to plan every minute of your day – at least not if you don’t want to), you take some of the resistance out of your day. For example, you plan your dinners for a week. You just check your meal plan and then do what you intended. Then resistance doesn’t even show up.
I have seen it again and again with mothers, if they put something in the calendar that they wanted to do like contacting a new friend, going to the playground or decluttering their house. They just did it, because they planned it. Resistance often steps to the side with a plan, and it’s easier to focus on how you feel afterward.
Ready to try it, look throughout your day when you feel something is challenging and see if this is resistance knocking at your door.
Hugs, Kisses and Chocolate, Cathleen